Validation from strangers sure is nice to get! But when it gets right down to it, if just a few people that I love and who love me (wow, that is corny to read even if it's true!) just hit that 'like' button that's all I need.
And to be honest I see my work here on substack as my brave work, if you know what I mean? I just publish here without asking others what they think of what I’m going to say or write, so in that sense, any validation from strangers here (or elsewhere) is wonderful!
But I know that with some stuff, I seem to need too many people to say it’s OK, or at least, I have but I’m trying to less. Thanks for giving your thoughts Rachel 🙌
I publish on substack to share what I've learned from 40 years of publishing, writing, and teaching. I enjoy the conversations and my substack is always free to subscribers.
Validation is that little person in your head who talks to you, mainly when no one is around. Let's call them Little V. Little V has cousins named doubt and fear who also talk to you when you are alone, creating. They speak to me as I write this, saying, "You better not write about us if you know what's good for you."
Oh well, I am going to write anyway. Little V's father is EGO. So as not to piss him off I capitalized his name as he likes. Little V lives his life looking for the opinion of others. You will know when he is around when you hear, "I hope they like this or I hope they like me." I said, "You hear," because others don't hear your internal Little V. Now you are happily living your life by the opinion of others.
One day, you ask, "Who am I?" You don't know because Little V fooled you. You may want to take a different path, but alas, only the opinions of others can point the way. So you are lost. We are lost. I suppressed Little V long ago and didn't take the path of the opinion of others, their validation. I made my path and walked it every day.
Hey Joel - you wrote some micro fiction 😂 I love it. You’re so right of course. In the long run, making and walking your own path without anyone telling you which way to go, had to be the best way.
I've known writers who seek validation from way too many people, which leaves them in a quandary as to whose advice to take. I've been publishing books, essays, stories for years and only rely on two readers for feedback because they're smart and insightful.
That’s a really good point Lev. Thank you. So maybe having two people who you know will feedback truthfully and give constructive advice is key, rather than having too wide a net and taken on too many directions.
Absolutely! I edit, coach, and mentor writers at writewithoutborders.com after many years of publishing and teaching. I've worked with one or two clients who kept undoing their own work by consulting too many people, whether in writing groups or just friends. So they either rewrote too often or got stymied.
If you find someone who is simpatico with your work, someone who can be honest in a supportive not destructive way, that's someone to rely on. It also helps, once you establish that relationship, to be prepared with specific questions about your own work that you can ask them about.
If advice leaves you confused, it's probably not helpful.
This is such an incredible piece -- I find that when my confidence is lacking, receiving validation from others often propels me forward. But I'm beginning to learn that I can't just rely on other people's opinions to get to where I want to be. I need to believe in myself, to keep going even when it's tough, to propel myself forward on my own. I definitely want to get to a place where validation is just to nice to have, but I still think that's a destination I'm working towards.
Again, such a great piece with such an important reminder 🤎
Ahh Madeline thanks so so much for taking the time to read this and replying. I’m so happy it struck a chord. You’re right - we need to believe in ourselves more. We need to go forth without always having to have the support blanket of someone telling us we’re good enough. 😊💫
In terms of subject matter, I probably wouldn't gain validation for a long time; but I may get criticism. If someone is willing to criticise my writing style, then I got something to work with. It has happened before, so I actually prefer criticism over validation !
I love this Karl. YES I can totally see how criticism can be more valuable than validation. I’m popping that in the back pocket - and thank you for subscribing- I hugely appreciate it. 🙌
Validation from strangers sure is nice to get! But when it gets right down to it, if just a few people that I love and who love me (wow, that is corny to read even if it's true!) just hit that 'like' button that's all I need.
Oh it’s so nice to get it. I’m
Very happy to receive it. 😂
And to be honest I see my work here on substack as my brave work, if you know what I mean? I just publish here without asking others what they think of what I’m going to say or write, so in that sense, any validation from strangers here (or elsewhere) is wonderful!
But I know that with some stuff, I seem to need too many people to say it’s OK, or at least, I have but I’m trying to less. Thanks for giving your thoughts Rachel 🙌
I publish on substack to share what I've learned from 40 years of publishing, writing, and teaching. I enjoy the conversations and my substack is always free to subscribers.
Penny,
Validation is that little person in your head who talks to you, mainly when no one is around. Let's call them Little V. Little V has cousins named doubt and fear who also talk to you when you are alone, creating. They speak to me as I write this, saying, "You better not write about us if you know what's good for you."
Oh well, I am going to write anyway. Little V's father is EGO. So as not to piss him off I capitalized his name as he likes. Little V lives his life looking for the opinion of others. You will know when he is around when you hear, "I hope they like this or I hope they like me." I said, "You hear," because others don't hear your internal Little V. Now you are happily living your life by the opinion of others.
One day, you ask, "Who am I?" You don't know because Little V fooled you. You may want to take a different path, but alas, only the opinions of others can point the way. So you are lost. We are lost. I suppressed Little V long ago and didn't take the path of the opinion of others, their validation. I made my path and walked it every day.
Joel
Hey Joel - you wrote some micro fiction 😂 I love it. You’re so right of course. In the long run, making and walking your own path without anyone telling you which way to go, had to be the best way.
I've known writers who seek validation from way too many people, which leaves them in a quandary as to whose advice to take. I've been publishing books, essays, stories for years and only rely on two readers for feedback because they're smart and insightful.
That’s a really good point Lev. Thank you. So maybe having two people who you know will feedback truthfully and give constructive advice is key, rather than having too wide a net and taken on too many directions.
Absolutely! I edit, coach, and mentor writers at writewithoutborders.com after many years of publishing and teaching. I've worked with one or two clients who kept undoing their own work by consulting too many people, whether in writing groups or just friends. So they either rewrote too often or got stymied.
If you find someone who is simpatico with your work, someone who can be honest in a supportive not destructive way, that's someone to rely on. It also helps, once you establish that relationship, to be prepared with specific questions about your own work that you can ask them about.
If advice leaves you confused, it's probably not helpful.
This is great Lev, thank you! Especially the bit about being prepared with specific questions for that person whose feedback you trust. 👌🏼
Glad it helps! I ask my clients that when they send in a new story, essay or something longer. It helps me focus my feedback.
This is such an incredible piece -- I find that when my confidence is lacking, receiving validation from others often propels me forward. But I'm beginning to learn that I can't just rely on other people's opinions to get to where I want to be. I need to believe in myself, to keep going even when it's tough, to propel myself forward on my own. I definitely want to get to a place where validation is just to nice to have, but I still think that's a destination I'm working towards.
Again, such a great piece with such an important reminder 🤎
Ahh Madeline thanks so so much for taking the time to read this and replying. I’m so happy it struck a chord. You’re right - we need to believe in ourselves more. We need to go forth without always having to have the support blanket of someone telling us we’re good enough. 😊💫
I love this.. you've got me pondering now if my desire for validation is indeed another procrastination technique 🤔😆
They only hit me as I write that Eva and I absolutely think it is for me 😮😆
What I took from your post/note is "Being Brave".
In terms of subject matter, I probably wouldn't gain validation for a long time; but I may get criticism. If someone is willing to criticise my writing style, then I got something to work with. It has happened before, so I actually prefer criticism over validation !
I love this Karl. YES I can totally see how criticism can be more valuable than validation. I’m popping that in the back pocket - and thank you for subscribing- I hugely appreciate it. 🙌