As part of my Sunday Glimmers series, I have started to include a little bit of insight, or a tip from my years of writing - either as a journalist, a copywriter, content creator or creative writer (annnd breath).
There’s lots to dig through and share.
And some of the subjects are worth expanding on a little - and this one, on validation, seems to have caught a bit of attention.
Here’s what I said…
Writing insight: Validation is not the key to success
For this, my first week of giving a little insight on living and working as a writer, I want to talk about validation and the perils of chasing it. I think it’s highly likely that most of us here enjoy receiving validation for our writing. It’s nice to be told that our work is good, has made an impact, or is worth something, in one way or another.
But, there’s a danger that the seeking of validation can hold us back.
I know that it has held me back, at times, for long stretches. And still does.
Why?
Well, there’s a ‘dip the toe in the water mentality’ that creeps in.
To keep ourselves safe, we perhaps ‘test’ our ideas first, or share them in a small way, attempting to build confidence through validation from those places that are likely to say ‘yes, go for it.’
When we seek to be validated as writers (or in any endeavour) what we want is to hear that we’re good enough before we carry on, before we make that next big step, before we share that work we’re protecting or send that pitch, or submission.
I’m not saying we don’t need support and encouragement - we do - I really do.
But I know that I am guilty of thinking ‘I’ll just see what this person, who knows more than me, thinks’ or ‘I’ll just ask this person’s advice even though I know exactly what I want to do and will do it anyway - but hopefully they’ll validate my idea/work.’
Maybe validation is just procrastination by another name.
It’s important to have cheerleaders. We need that person/people who believe in us. Sometimes, they are the magic ingredient.
But in the end, the only person driving the bus, is you and you have to keep it moving forward, even if you’re the only one on it. Even f you’re the only one who believes in the destination.
Hanging on for validation can keep you in a cycle of holding off on getting your work out there.
And what if the person/place that usually validates you, begins to sow a seed of doubt…how might that affect you?
Validate yourself.
Know that you have worked hard. That you have the passion and you deserve to succeed. You know when your work is good enough.
Have faith in your own knowing and go forward.
What does less validation mean, in the real world?
It means getting on and doing it.
It means not asking ‘permission’ to be in a certain space - just turn up and plug away.
It means having faith in what you’re creating and being brave.
It means chipping away regardless. It means letting the rejections and challenges spur you on.
It means listening to yourself - because deep down, you absolutely know when something is good enough.
I’d love to hear from others on this - what does seeking validation mean for you? Does it serve you?
Do you agree, that in the end, as long as you believe in what you’re doing, validation from elsewhere is really just a ‘nice to have’?
P
x
Validation from strangers sure is nice to get! But when it gets right down to it, if just a few people that I love and who love me (wow, that is corny to read even if it's true!) just hit that 'like' button that's all I need.
Penny,
Validation is that little person in your head who talks to you, mainly when no one is around. Let's call them Little V. Little V has cousins named doubt and fear who also talk to you when you are alone, creating. They speak to me as I write this, saying, "You better not write about us if you know what's good for you."
Oh well, I am going to write anyway. Little V's father is EGO. So as not to piss him off I capitalized his name as he likes. Little V lives his life looking for the opinion of others. You will know when he is around when you hear, "I hope they like this or I hope they like me." I said, "You hear," because others don't hear your internal Little V. Now you are happily living your life by the opinion of others.
One day, you ask, "Who am I?" You don't know because Little V fooled you. You may want to take a different path, but alas, only the opinions of others can point the way. So you are lost. We are lost. I suppressed Little V long ago and didn't take the path of the opinion of others, their validation. I made my path and walked it every day.
Joel