A love letter to the voice note

Far from intrusive, they're the new handwritten letter for me

Last week I lay in the bath howling with laugher with one of my best friends. We could barely catch our breath, one of us constantly setting the other off.

I soaked in my bubbles, tears streaming. She….well I don’t actually know what she was doing or where she was, but it didn’t matter as we voice-noted each other back and forth.

It was a glorious, belly-laugh of a conversation that was able to take place while we got on with our days (yes, bathing is where I get on with my day - I write a lot in the bath actually…more on that another time.)

But after the bath, I could work on other stuff, potter around and multi-task all while listening or responding to my friend.

As we finally composed ourselves and signed off until later, I shot back with a last message - that I was so grateful for our friendship and – all hail the voice note! I felt as if I had spent the morning with her, the two of us chatting away, without needing to be together physically.

So I felt all defensive when I read a piece by (the very articulate) Emma Brockes in The Guardian bemoaning the intrusion of voice notes. A piece that described them as ‘not a message but a one one-woman show’ and likened them to the horror of getting, wait for it – a voicemail.

It’s not a voicemail. To emote for eight minutes on a voicemail would be absolute insanity. Granted. The voicemail is dead, no argument from me on that one. Nobody leaves them except strangers or official information givers (school or GP receptionists, job interviewers and the like). Getting a voicemail is serious business these days. If you have one sitting ignored, you better listen. It’s all there in the name - getting ‘mail’ is transactional. Getting a ‘note’ (or memo) well that’s thoughtful, intriguing.

The new handwritten letter

And as for them being an intrusion? Phone calls, they’re an intrusion. What’s more intrusive than someone calling (sometimes two or three times on the bounce) and putting you on the spot? And people get very miffed when you don’t answer, or get back to them. Nobody knows this better than me….

But a voice note lands softly and says, ‘hello friend, open me when you’re ready’. And that, Emma and any other voice note naysayers is how you ought to treat them.

I’m going to go as far as to say that the voice note is the new handwritten letter. It says ‘I like you enough to give you an insight into my unscripted mind. And I trust you enough to know you won’t judge me for it’. What the voice note says to me, is friendship.

I totally get all of Emma’s points by the way. She amusingly (my friends and I have said the same) describes voice notes as being akin to podcast episodes (that you haven’t subscribed to) that leave you feeling you’ve been subjected to a one woman show. Erm, YES, I feel like that’s almost the point and I am here for it.

Friends, feel free to put on a show. I don’t want to hear your monotone messages relaying dinner plans or simple bits of info. Bang those out in a few words on text. But feel free to let rip about your mother in law, the cyclist that just missed your bonnet and your sassy teen. Then get emotional and a little bit deep. Sign off in tears. It’s called connection and frankly, it’s vital. And I feel like Emma Brocke (sorry Emma, it’s so not personal) possibly needs to get some funnier or more interesting friends.

I admit, by the way, that my voice notes are reserved for a special few contacts -  I ain’t voice noting the school Whatsapp group, the footie coaches or even those once in a blue moon friends. And they had better not start voice noting me. When they do (and no doubt they will, because all good things get ruined by the masses) then, alas, the voice note will indeed, be dead.

Oh and I have a rule, to work out if friends are into voice note banter or not. If they reply in writing after I’ve tried once or twice, I respect that and don’t send one again.

Kindness in connection

But, I stand by the voice note. They’re great for those of us who can’t type and walk and who frankly, are just not very organised. Some people schedule ‘reply time’ into their day (They DO. I have not made that up.) But I’m just not that disciplined. I’ve got a bloody novel to write. Often I look at a blank reply screen and think, oh I’ll do it later, then I don’t. For weeks. But a voice note is speedy – so if I reply that way it means I care. I want to get back to you, not risk upsetting you because I forgot.

They can be intimate, I get that. I can see why they have the potential to give the ick. But they also bring a kindness to connection. In fact, when I first joined Substack and messaged the brilliant

Claire Venus

on Instagram for advice, I was absolutely delighted when she replied. Via. Voice. Note! It brought such warmth and friendliness to the exchange that I really appreciated.

When a voice note lands and it says it’s nine minutes I’m pretty sure it’s nine minutes for a reason. So I put the kettle on - or I let it sit there until the time comes when I can. Then I settle in and savour that personalised recording. It’s just for me, so actually, eat your heart out, podcasts….

I don’t see them as narcissistic, I see them as a shared experience and a way for friends to express themselves, be vulnerable even. And feel heard.

Messages in writing can be misconstrued, the meaning lost because we can’t hear the intonation. Voice notes give space for emotion - and at times, honesty, in a way that even face-to-face connection can see us shy away from. In a world so full of the means to be in contact, yet increasingly devoid of human connection, I think voice notes shine through as one of the positives and some of my friendships are deeper for them.

Oh and funnier. So much funnier….that quote about them being like a ‘one woman show’ - too right. But a double hander actually, with a supporting cast - cos I’m drafting a screenplay born out of one of the funniest voice note exchanges I’ve ever had….

**PS: Emma Brockes’ great piece giving the other side, is here - she does, of course, make many funny and valid points!

To my horror, gen X is turning to voice notes – I don’t want to hear your mini-podcast | Emma Brockes | The Guardian