What if small changes just aren’t enough?

A checklist for when something big has got to give….

Last week my friend (yes the same friend who makes me howl on voice notes) said that one of the reasons we get on so well is because we’re both doers.

I’ve never much thought of myself as a doer, if I’m honest. But it turns out I might be.

I think I had the meaning all wrong. I’m not great, at say, doing jobs around the place that have needed doing for ages and I just can’t be arsed to do them. A doer, in that sense, I am not.

But, when life gets samey or a problem is tugging me awake in the small hours, when the only person who can change things is me, then I am definitely a doer. She’s right.

Over the last year or more, I’ve been that doer with things like starting my MA, setting some much needed boundaries and carving out proper time for writing.

These aren’t quite ‘mic drop’ changes - and before I make a big deal out of going large - I do want to say that small changes are not to be overlooked. It is absolutely true that they can be the difference when it comes to hitting goals. I used to tell myself that writing less than 1000 words a day of my novel would be a failure. And then I wrote none.

Now, if I do 100, I know that’s 100 more than I had yesterday and that I’m closer to my goal because of them. So, small steps for the win.

Bigger and braver

BUT….what if you’ve made small changes and things are, you know, going well…but something’s missing? What if a bigger, braver change is needed? And deep down you know it.

All of this is subjective, I know. For some, a life-tweak is all it takes, or a series of changes that make life a bit smoother.

But let’s face it, taking a decision that makes you scared is what I’m talking about here. It’s the scary changes that have the power to turn your life around.

For me, when a plot twist is calling, I feel it in my body. I feel suffocated. I think a lot of people just live, for a long time, with that type of feeling. And that’s totally understandable. There have been plenty of periods in my life when I have allowed it to stay for too long. And plenty of times when I’ve pressed the button and made the big change. I’m a restless kind of person, so, whether I like it or not, change is something my mind and body craves. And because of that, I’ve got the experience to try to make sure that any change I make is right.

A checklist for change

-        Know why the thing that’s not working for you anymore isn’t working. Drill down for the specifics so that the change you make is effective.

-        I think it’s fine (and sometimes very necessary) to jump feet first without a safety net – but make sure you have a bit of a plan.

-        Back yourself. And keep backing yourself every day, with real action.

-        Listen to you and you alone. I can’t stress this enough. Don’t spend weeks canvassing opinion. You’ll only listen to the ones that chime with what you really want to do anyway.

- You know the answer. Trust it.

-        Have a clear vision of what you want your life/situation/job/home to look and feel like after you make this change – this makes all of the above much easier.

- Think about the experience you have of change and recall what went well and what didn’t. What mistakes would you not want to make again?

Words of wisdom from

Thoughts from Today

In times of turmoil I often look to see what the wonderful

Helen Marie

has to say on what I’m going through. Invariably there will be advice, wrapped in her soft, soulful words. These were from her post on walking away from a relationship - but I think they’re perfectly relevant to how it feels when we know we must make any big change:

“And it’s this point that although we know is the only way forward (for now) that can be so lonely to step into.

Because:

We fear the unknown.

Walking away requires us to create a new sense of self.

We lose an emotional support that we may once have had.

The internal struggle of choosing the right decision can seem loud.

The new path in front of us can feel lonely, isolating, and intimidating.”

A cautionary tale from my gut

On my point of listening to yourself and Helen’s on internal struggle - that’s a lot about trusting your gut. Some years ago, I overruled mine and it impacted my life for a long time and I’m happy to share why.

I had a job that I loved and was doing very well in. But I was ambitious and couldn’t see my next step in that company. What I know now, is that the time wasn’t right for the next step and I was exactly where I needed to be. But I got impatient. And a new job, with a bigger salary at a bigger organisation came calling. My gut knew, from the moment I went for the interview that it was all wrong. Anxiety gripped me as soon as I accepted. I could have turned back, but I didn’t. A year later, my gut was still screaming at me and I was very unwell. So if something doesn’t feel good, listen to it and figure out why.

A big, beautiful life

But as long as your gut’s not telling you something’s amiss, then shouldn’t we just go for it? Shouldn’t we press the ‘big change’ button if it starts flashing?

Yes, life can be short. And that’s a reason to seize the day. But it can also be long, we can reinvent ourselves if we please, time and again. We can try new things. Imagine a life of 100 years, spent doing the same thing, half heartedly, over and over.

So what’s this all about anyway? Do I have a big change I’m embarking on?

Well…not just yet. Maybe I am at step one of my checklist -feeling my way around what’s not working.

But it has been a rather long time since I pressed that ‘big scary change button’….